Games for when you get older
1.
Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have
to go along.
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Thoughts for the weekend
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started
with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
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Ponderisms
I used to eat a lot of n atural foods until I
learned that most people die of natural causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a
weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of
the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they used to?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes outta its butt."
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going
to look up there anyway?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?